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Never Allowed: ending extended family abuse

By Rabia Roshan, VAWG development officer at Amina Muslim Womens Resource Centre.

Imagine being married, starting your new life with your new ‘family’, being told you are like a daughter to them, only to have your every movement controlled and spending your life feeling trapped. For many women in black and minority ethnic (BME) communities, this isn't just a nightmare; it's a harsh reality reflected in the distressing calls received by the Amina helpline and casework team. At the heart of these calls and cases lies a disturbing issue: domestic abuse by in-laws. 

In 2023, 11% of all calls to the Amina helpline revolved around in-law abuse, shedding light on the challenges faced by BME women when it comes to domestic abuse. During 16 Days of Action 2023, this issue took centre stage with the launch of our report, 'Sabr, Silence and Struggles: In-Law Abuse in Muslim and BME Communities in Scotland'. 

Our research and report were founded upon the concern around the legal definition of domestic abuse overlooking BME/Muslim women’s lived experiences. While domestic abuse by intimate partner/ex-partner is recognised, the suffering inflicted by in-laws remains largely unseen. We've termed them the "hidden perpetrators," operating outside the boundaries of legislation and leaving victims without recourse, particularly in relation to coercive control.

Our research delved into the experiences of 93 BME women, predominantly of South Asian descent, revealing a distressing truth: abuse within the family knows no bounds. The findings showed that 81% had experienced abuse from their husband, however, 90% of the participants had also experienced abuse from their in-laws, with the predominant perpetrator from the extended family being either a sister-in-law or the mother-in-law. 

As part of the research, during workshops, survivors bravely shared their stories, highlighting the tactics used to maintain control. From financial manipulation to emotional coercion, the methods employed are varied and insidious. One survivor recalled, "I was never allowed any privacy. My every move was monitored by people and cameras." And another woman recalled “I was never allowed to just hand my father-in-law his medication, I had to place it in his mouth." These tactics not only erode a woman's autonomy but also reinforce patriarchal norms within the family as the sudden empowerment of those who typically have little, or no power i.e., the mother-in-law and sister-in-law, benefits the male family members, sustaining male supremacy in the family setting. 

But it's not just the abuse itself that keeps victims silent; it's the cultural stigma surrounding taboo subjects like sexual health, relationships and various forms of gender-based violence. In communities where such topics are rarely discussed, victims often suffer in silence, compounded by a legal system that fails to acknowledge their experiences. How can they recognise and understand their experiences of coercive control when the law doesn't take into account the multiple perpetrators who are abusing them? We aren't just talking about people who witness the abuse and stay silent, we’re talking about people who actively and in a calculated manner, perpetrate the abuse.

Yet, amidst these challenges, there is hope. Our campaign, "Never Allowed," amplifies the voices of those silenced by in-law abuse, urging for change. By advocating for legislative reforms that recognise the unique challenges faced by BME women, we strive to create a future where every woman is free from the grip of in-law abuse.

So, as we stand in solidarity, let's remember those who continue to suffer silently. Together, let's work towards educating others on forms of abuse that BME/Muslim women are subjected to. Let's recognise these behaviours and mistreatment as domestic abuse so that victims can understand that what they're experiencing isn't acceptable, and that we see these hidden perpetrators for what they are; abusers.

Our report on extended family abuse can be found here: In Law Abuse Report (mwrc.org.uk)